Watching holiday-related movies in December is a time-honored tradition in many households, sort of the modern version of roasting chestnuts on an open fire. There’s comfort in once again enjoying the antics of Elf (smiling is his favorite) or the varieties of love depicted in Love Actually. However, there’s one small issue with some of these movies, according to bestselling author Dr. Venus Nicolino. Depending on what you watch, they might set some slightly unrealistic expectations for your own holiday experience.
That’s especially true if your holidays become a bit chaotic given the interesting personalities involved. Or, to put it in the language of movies, the holidays end up more like Christmas Vacation than It’s a Wonderful Life. Nicolino says it’s best to embrace the tumult and let go of expectations.
“It’s going to be OK if your holidays are not like a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie. You may not get snow at the exact moment your whole family comes together for a kumbaya hug,” she said in a video on her TikTok channel. “It’s OK if your gathering is more like Die Hard. You know — a shaky marriage in the middle of maniacs taking over a building.”
She added that people “need to prepare for the possibility, just the possibility, that your entire town won’t break out a lovely rendition of ‘Silent Night’ on Christmas Eve. And that’s OK. It’s more than OK.”
That’s because, as Nicolino noted, “The holidays can be merry and chaotic at the same time.”
Even the Happiest People Can Experience Stressful Holidays
The festive season may be a time of joy and cheer, but it’s also frequently garnished with a sprinkle of stress. Depending on your family and your circumstances, stressors can weigh on you in many different ways.
Financial follies often rank at the top of the list. The pressure to dazzle loved ones with the perfect gift can lead to economic strain because perfect presents aren’t usually inexpensive gifts. The American Psychological Association reports that 58% of U.S. adults cite spending too much or not having enough money to spend as a source of holiday angst.
Families also foment stress because of differing opinions or old tensions. While it’s a time for togetherness, too much togetherness can lead to conflict.
There’s also the pressure of time. For example, many of those who celebrate Christmas get that day off work. But the days leading up to the holiday require a difficult balancing act of planning, shopping, and working. Those who decide to host a get-together also add that anxiety on top of everything else, something that’s exponentially worse if they feel the need to create a picture-perfect event (thanks, social media).
Dr. Venus Nicolino, using another movie as an example, said it helps to embrace the pandemonium. “It’s OK if things get a little crazy, like Home Alone with weirdos like Joe Pesci creeping around — otherwise known as my Uncle Joe. I have five of them, they won’t know which one I’m talking about.
“And you may have to circle back to the house to pick up the kid you forgot to take with you to Grandma’s. And all of that is OK.”
Nicolino urges people to get help should their mental state move beyond the usual holiday stress. Many people experience mood changes during the holidays that leave them feeling sad and unlike their usual selves. These feelings, which some call the “winter blues,” happen when the days get shorter and the nights get longer. However, it sometimes can become seasonal affective disorder, which involves these mood changes leading to changes in how a person feels, thinks, and behaves.
Some of the signs of SAD are symptoms associated with depression, including a persistent sad mood that lasts most of the day for at least two weeks, as well as feelings of constant hopelessness, pessimism, irritability, frustration, guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness. Other signs during the winter months include overeating, oversleeping, and social withdrawal. SAD is something beyond holiday stress. Treatments include light therapy, psychotherapy, antidepressant medication, and Vitamin D.
Dr. Venus Nicolino Offers Some Ideas for Surviving the Holidays
People turn to Dr. Venus Nicolino for advice on many different issues. She’s perhaps best known for her relationship advice, as well as an irreverent style that offers pearls of wisdom in a bed of humor. She also takes on conventional wisdom at every turn, including in her book, Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bulls–t.
Dr. V holds a master’s in counseling psychology and a master’s and Ph.D. in clinical psychology. She frequently discusses a variety of issues in her TikTok videos and Instagram posts, as well as on “The Tea With Dr. V” podcast.
When it comes to the holidays, she offers a number of tips to help people actually enjoy the festivities rather than simply survive them. For example, she recommends that people take short breaks every day in which they do nothing associated with the season.
For a bigger break, Dr. Venus Nicolino recommends taking an entire day and refrain from doing anything holiday-related. “This means no parties, no shopping, no balancing the checkbook or checking credit card statements online,” she said.
It’s also important to focus on the basics: Get proper exercise. Take deep breaths from the stomach, something people often forget to do when stressed. Reward yourself with treats.
She also offers some gems like dressing in bright colors and talking to children about the holidays. She noted that with little ones, “Their perspective is often enlightening and their energy is always contagious. There’s nothing that will refresh you like catching some of this.”
And, yes, she advises people to watch those Christmas movies and specials. “Watching them again can take you back to the time when Christmas was fun,” Dr. Venus Nicolino said, “not just a lot of work.”